June 8, 2011

This was a great day.

It was a meaningful day.

For us, it was the last of preschool days in our home. Brennen completed his year at Hope Children's Center and is now an official kindergartener. He is pretty sad about it, seeing as how all of the kids won't be going to his neighborhood school. He says he will miss playing with Rylan and the playground and Ms. Vikey. I am sad that he is feeling such strong emotions about it, but I have tried to stay positive about all that is ahead of him.

As I walked out of the school today, I welled up with tears thinking that it was the last time I would be coming to this place. No more babies to drop off there on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. I guess it choked me up to see my two kids stopping to stare at the playground "one last time" and they were just so sober. Like they knew that they were getting older and time is just one thing you can't do anything about.

But I suddenly felt a great thankfulness and relief that saying goodbye to the school did not mean saying goodbye to Brennen. I felt his small hand in mine and thought, I am so blessed that I get to take him home and keep him. Other people and places will come and go in our lives, but as long as God allows me to have them, the kids will remain constant. Some days that feels overwhelming, but today it felt comforting to know that he wasn't going anywhere.

The other meaningful thing about today is that my Reagan turned one year old.

Can it really be true?

We celebrated all day, with WaterPallooza in the backyard this morning and dinner at Mom and Dad's tonight. I could just eat her she is so adorable and when she smiles, your insides light up. I could not have known how much her life would change mine or how important and special she would be to me. The day she was born was exciting and wonderful, but I did not know what was to come and how brokenness was around the corner. I did not know that my heart would bleed over her and how traumatized I would be for what they would have to do. I didn't realize how my relationship with God would pass through dark waters for the very first time.

How could I have known?

How could I have known that Reagan's life would touch so many and that growth would actually develop out of the pain? In those sad months, when my soul cried out to God for healing, I did not know that He planned to. That He wanted to, that He would say YES to my plea. I never expected that this day of June would always be momentous because it is the day we celebrate new life, a healed life, a joyous life.

It's the day we celebrate Reagan Joy.