You have to see this...

I realized that I haven't been taking very many pictures lately. Probably Christmas burn out.

So, when I go back through albums to find something to post about, all I can see is this:

Do I talk about her too much? Cause I really don't want to bug you, it's just that she means so much. She means more than chubby cheeks and tiny fingers and a soft tummy. She is more than a delicious smelling head and edible toes.

She means hope to me. Her happy face means that Jesus heard me. Her raspy, earnest voice means that He looked down, saw my desire and my despair, and then said... yes. I will heal her now. I still look at her face and stop and think about that moment when God came through for me... and my family... and for her.

And so... I wanted you to too.

SB

After Nate left his old job, and before he started his new job, we all went to Santa Barbara for a little vacation. Nate and I had never been here before and wanted to try a new location (sorry, Newport). It was a lot of fun now that our kids are older and it made me anticipate future trips with kids who don't nap or need diaper changes or bottles warmed or pack-n-plays.

The world is wide open to us! Who would have thought we would ever get here?

Here are pics of our time in Solvang and around Santa Barbara:

Having lunch in a German restaurant in Solvang

On the Santa Barbara pier at sunset

Family shot in Solvang

Nate was so happy to bring the kids to Malibu

Our little family

Mac Daddy

Something life altering happened to me recently and you probably didn't even know.

Did you know I got a MacBook for Christmas?

YES... I... DID...

And now that I have it, I feel like I could be the most productive, creative, smart and organized person I know. I feel like anything I could possibly need is at my fingertips. The possibilities are endless and I just ache to pore over my Mac and pay attention to it.

I want to sort my iPhotos and make photo books. I want to upload memories to Shutterfly and Facebook in a single minute.

I want to download music on iTunes and upload it again to my iTouch, all in the blink of an eye.

I want to explore the App store, and make a home movie, input all of my contacts, and take funny pictures with the Photo Booth.

I want to read the book I got through my new Amazon app and learn how to play the new game I bought, Braid.

There is so much to do! So much to see!

BUT.

I do have a DVR too.

Blasted DVR.

Ramblings

It's getting late, so I'll just jot down a few things...

-Nate is in England right now. He will be gone for two weeks and that is the longest he has ever been away from us. Olivia is having a harder time than I thought, but she is the one who gets how long two weeks is.

-When he comes home he will work from home. Like in our bedroom. Yikes.

-Reagan is my highlight. My thoughts of her are not tinged with sadness or tragedy anymore. She is pure joy and she smells divine.

-Liv goes back to school tomorrow. I am glad for her to have something to entertain her all day, but she is losing her zeal for that place. She wishes she could still stay home, doesn't want to do all the work. She says that math is hard and she just writes and writes and writes all day. Sounds like I am going to hate high school. In happier news, she is 8 now and getting quite mature. Who knew?

-Brennen is getting old. He sounds more like a real person every day. His raspy, croaky voice just gives me a kick, I love it. It seems more hoarse this week for some reason. He is afraid of Home Alone, Tangled, and How to Train your Dragon. His greatest fears in life right now are (in no particular order) 1. balloons 2. fire 3. thunder and 4. getting his hair brushed. (I added the last one.)

-This is my first post of the new year and I want to say how much I want change. I want my body to change, I want my heart to change, I want to be a grown up. I want to learn from my mistakes, learn from other's mistakes, and not go in circles. I want to do so many things and not enough things. I am too much and not enough all at the same time. I want to see myself how God sees me this year, not how others see me. I want to be more aware of the things He wants to get rid of within me and embrace the things He is cultivating in me.

I hope He sees me 20 pounds lighter.