Countdown

It's less than two weeks until the future is decided.
How do I feel about that?

Panic. Peace. Suffocation. Calm.

I am panicked because what if it doesn't work? What if she comes home with the trach still in?

I am at peace because I know that the end is already determined and God loves Reagan.

I am suffocating because I can't fathom more of this indefinitely. This weight of sadness. Knowing I might not hear her for a long time. Watching my siblings in pain.

I am calm because there is nothing else to be done, no where else to be. Reagan will still be here and will still smile at me when I walk toward her. He said, Be still and Know I am God. I am waiting for Him.

My heart is holding its breath.