93 and counting...

I'm thankful she is still here.

I'm thankful my kids will remember her.

I'm thankful for the part she has played in my whole life.

Liv at 9

Two weeks ago, Olivia got her ears pierced. I can hardly believe I can write those words. Our very tomboyish daughter has been growing up a lot lately and is starting to see some benefits to being born a girl. That's not to say that she likes dresses now, or obsesses over her hair by any means, but she did express a desire out of the blue to get her ears pierced. Nate and I were so pleasantly surprised by this change of heart that we didn't hesitate to give her permission. What really touched our hearts was how we asked her about why she wanted to get earrings and she said, Well, I know that God made me a girl and He wants me to be a girl and I don't have to be super girly, but I want to be how He made me.

I love this girl.

Nolan and Kenna

How cute are these two?

It's hard enough to wrap my mind around the fact that my own kids are growing up before my eyes, but these little ones are supposed to stay little! Lately, I am finding that this nephew and niece of mine are becoming real people. Shocker, I know.

Nolan is the smartest 4 year old mathematician I know and can add numbers in his head and really knows the clock! He is becoming quite the baseball player, hitting the ball WITHOUT the tee. Do you die?

Kenna Lulu is as sweet as pie and as girly as they get! She just got her ears pierced and they look adorable on her tiny earlobes. She LOVES all kinds of treats and dessert, a girl after Olivia's heart. She is a real gymnast and just learned how to do a backwards somersault!

I love these munchkins so much and am so thankful I get to be a part of their everyday life.

Homework

C'MON, SUMMER.

Romans 12:1-3 The Message

So here's what I want you to do, God helping you:

Take your everyday, ordinary life- your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life- and place it before God as an offering. Embracing what God does for you is the best thing you can do for Him. Don't become so well-adjusted to your culture that you fit into it without even thinking. Instead, fix your attention on God.

You'll be changed from the inside out.

Readily recognize what he wants from you, and quickly respond to it. Unlike the culture around you, always dragging you down to its level of immaturity, God brings the best out of you, develops well-formed maturity in you...

Living, then, as every one of you does, in pure grace, it's important that you not misinterpret yourselves as people who are bringing this goodness to God. No, God brings it all out of you. The only accurate way to understand ourselves is by what God is and by what He does for us, not by what we are and what we do for Him.

Hole-y Moley

Brennen is a tooth-losing machine this month. Within two days, he pulled out his own two bottom loose teeth. I was so impressed and extremely relieved because I get the heebee-jeebee's when I even think about the root being yanked out of my poor kid's gums. I am totally grossed out by the whole process and our experience with Olivia was... let's just say, very different. Here is a picture of the two gaping holes:

He looks so different to me now! His face is changed forever and I am sad about it. His teeth have always been really straight and tiny and now they are coming up

HUGE

and

straight. up. crooked.

He is growing up so fast this last year and this was a huge milestone for him.

I'm so proud of him.

Ode to Costco

Oh, Costco, how I love thee... and hate thee.

I love you for your wide selection of cozy Carter's footy pajamas for the cheapest price in town. I adore how you sell the Carter's 3-piece outfits for less than $10 when I need an inexpensive baby gift.

I hate you for your Photo services. I despise the picture quality of my Christmas card this year, after we actually spent good money to get our pictures done by a professional. I had high hopes for our card this year and you dashed them. Never again.

I love you for your samples, they are aplenty. I love how you allow me to taste an unfamiliar food to see if I would like to buy it one day, you are so smart.

I hate you for your parking lot and for your long lines. You seem to attract the most unfriendly, impatient people in Temecula. There are never enough spaces during the holidays and I hate how I can only turn right out of the main thorough-fare. The lines zig-zag maddeningly and always make me squeeze next to the previously mentioned unfriendlies.

I love you for your book selection. Where else can I find such a vast array of interesting books for such affordable prices? I love how you offer hard bound and paperback. I love that I can buy a fun Elmo book in the same place I can get another Kristen Hannah novel.

I hate you for your online calendar making experience. It is the pits and I'm rebelling this year because of you. My poor parents will not be getting an adorable personalized calendar and I will blame you for breaking this tradition. I just can't handle the buffering and the schizophrenic behavior of your website. It's taking me over the edge.

I love you for your hot dogs.

I hate you for tempting me with the Diet Coke you sell that I don't drink anymore.

I love your large carts, but I hate how heavy they are.

I love picking up a new hoodie, but I hate how you don't put my groceries in bags.

So, Costco, as it turns out I do love you. But you are walking a fine line, my friend.

One year

Today it has been one year since this little girl had her trach removed. One year since we heard her little voice for the first time. One year ago God healed Reagan.

He is good.

This year has been one filled with joy and celebration, marveling at every word from her mouth. It has also been a year of turmoil and wrestling with God in my heart. I could not walk away from all that had happened and not feel in my spirit, Where did THAT come from? I wish I could say that I unconditionally trusted what God had done was good and that we all were better for it, but I have to say it has taken some time. I am much further down the path than one year ago today, but God and I are still working it out together and I am learning to see this from His point of view. I know in my core that I will never abandon Him, but I have never been hurt this way either. It is unsettling to feel upset with God. I am learning that it is my pride that feels offended, mad that this had to happen.

All of this to say that I am still growing and changing and working it out. Which is I'm sure just what God wanted all along. No matter how I feel about why it had to happen, I will forever say that God is good because He chose to heal Reagan and give her a normal life. I do not understand it all, but I am sure that He showed mercy and love to our family on that November 9th last year.

Amen.

Pumpkin patch 2011

We headed back to Peltzer's pumpkin patch this year, another year older.

It is just so wild to see my children turning into real people. They can actually sit and smile for a picture. I still think this is miraculous. Man, those toddler years scarred me.

They are so attached to each other, best friends even. It has been humbling to observe their relationship and know that what they share together is much longer lasting than what Nate and I cultivate with them.

I have to say that I am really excited about the holidays this year. I am very thankful to be on the other side of the baby years and to look forward to all the fun stuff we can do together as a family now. My kids are amazing and we have good times together, so now that they are older I am feeling adventurous about all we can do. We only have a few short years and teenage-hood will be upon us, so I'm just going to enjoy life in this moment.

Lately...

Lately I am frazzled....

1. Brennen's 6th birthday is one week from today and I am planning an Angry Birds party for him at our house. Since this is not a theme that I can just pick up at Party City, I am having to do endless research on the internet and Pinterest to find stuff I can make to decorate with. Fun and not fun at the same time.

2. Nate just returned last night from a 10 day business trip. I was just about sure that I didn't want to do this anymore when he came home. It is so exhausting to be the only one to deal with the kids and all their "stuff" everyday. Glad he is home.

3. Parent conferences were today. I have been stressing about how Liv is doing in school and we have been fighting a lot over homework lately, so I was sort of nervous about the conference, but her teacher says she is doing fine. So hard to know the right balance of pushing your kids to do their best without making them feel like they have to be perfect or they are not good enough. Right now Olivia is feeling like she is not good enough and it hurts.

4. Awanas is a double edged sword. On the one hand, it is one of the most important things we have the kids do. It is valuable for them to learn more about God and His Word and for them to memorize Scripture. On the other hand, it is a battle to get the kids to practice their verses throughout the week and not the day of. They are just not interested and it makes me upset that they aren't "hiding it in their heart", but only saying it to pass. I know His Word doesn't come back void and every little bit helps, but I wish they were eager to learn it.

5. I have SO MANY birthdays to think about and gifts to buy. October is like a mini-Christmas holiday in our family, there are that many birthdays. Want to get really fun gifts for kids and really thoughtful gifts for the adults and I am just thinking too hard! I have limited funds and want to get THE BEST gift possible for the money and it's a lot sometimes.

6. We are getting new carpet downstairs and I am so thrilled. I was really looking forward to having it by Brennen's party, but that might not happen. First bummer. Then the lady told me that at least we will have time to work on our baseboards. Huh? Now I have to worry about fitting that in? Sheesh.

7. Doing a really intense bible study and it is getting under my skin. Thinking about it a lot and evaluating my thoughts regularly. Good and tiring too.

8. I will be 34 soon. Sigh.

9. My kids will be 6 and 9 soon. Sigh.

10. I really have nothing to complain about because God has blessed me beyond measure with a loving husband, healthy kids, and everything we need. Tomorrow is a brand new day.

Amen.