Olivia Rose, Age 8

Tomorrow is the last day of second grade for my eight year old.

I wouldn't really say that the time has flown, because I do still recall the many agonizing afternoons doing homework with a resistant student. Her backyard called and she couldn't muster up the stamina to focus on schoolwork one second more.

You see, my long-legged daughter likes to play. Hard.

Her passion in life is free play and being sweaty and dirty. She likes to bike ride, scooter ride, plasma-car ride, she does it all. She is drawn like a magnet to the rubber ball she plays handball with every single day. She climbs the tree in the front yard, bounces flamboyantly on the trampoline, and has a mean hopscotch.

Naturally, the over-achiever in me has struggled somewhat with this free-spirited quality in my offspring. When I was her age I was addicted to books and learning and fresh, clean paper. Dorky, yes. But it's just what I knew to be true for me, so I think I expected it in her.

God is growing me up while growing up my daughter. I am coming to see that deep down, the mother in me just wants her to be herself. I am protective for her to find out who she is and what her passions are, even if they are different from mine. It would be so easy for me to impose my own ideas and expectations on her, which would lead to her feeling less than herself. How could I want that?

I sense that I am on the verge of my girl child turning into a real person who can be known. I am excited for what lies ahead, and anxious as well. I want to know her and be known by her. I want her to develop into a confident, passionate, joyful woman who loves God with all her heart. I want her to accomplish all of the good and wonderful things He has planned for only her.

But first, on this eve of the last day of second grade.... I want her to be a girl swinging from a tree.

Easter 2011

Here is a shot of us on Easter at my mom's house. Aren't the kids so large? How can I possibly have children that old? Sometimes I feel like I should still be the mom of a baby and toddler because it has just all gone so fast. Other times I feel so far down the path, no where in the vicinity of babyhood. That stage seems distant and I worry that I can hardly remember my kid's faces as babies. Is that bad? Thank God for photos and videos!

Easter was a happy occasion and fun was had by all. There was an egg hunt (indoors, since it rained that morning), a cross craft, and TONS of delicious brunch food. I like knowing that our kids understand why we celebrate certain holidays, it all feels so much more meaningful. But they sure do love a pink plastic egg filled with money!

Random thoughts

1. The blogosphere is really big. There are a lot of different people out there. And some that are just like you, only far away. I'm digging it.

2. We leave for Newport Beach tomorrow. We are only going for one night, but at least we are getting a change of scenery! The kids are so excited and I am glad they will get some of our undivided attention.

3. Olivia asked me last night if I miss having my mommy tuck me into bed. I said, Well, it's been a long time and I don't really think about it very much anymore. She said, I hope I never forget how it feels! Sigh. How can one child cause so much distress and so much adoration within my soul?

4. Brennen scored the first goal of his first soccer game of the season today. He was pretty proud.

5. I'm reading a new fiction novel this week and it is set in Scotland. That means that all of my inner thoughts lately are with a Scottish accent. Is that weird?

6. I had a deep discussion with my sister in law about my flaws. About how I have a hard time admitting them and how I have a hard time identifying them in the moment. Like, she will ask, What are some of your flaws? And I look like an arrogant brat, but I really have to think hard about it, NOT because I don't think I have any, but because I want to give her a really good one, you know? Not just, Oh, I yell at my kids sometimes (which I do) or I could be more loving with my husband (which I could). But something really good...

Like, I am no different from a heroine addict.

Serious. This is what we talked about.

Ask me sometime about that parallel.

7. While I have you here, I'm going to ask you to pray for Reagan's second vocal cord to move. I am forever grateful that the first one is functioning, but I want more. I want the second one to not be paralyzed, I want her to fully breathe easily, and I want her whole voice.

K? Thanks a bunch.

Not Your Typical Pastor's Wife

This is my friend, Ann. Ann is a special person to me because she has been my partner for three years during one of the most adventurous times of my life.

And I do mean adventurous.

I have not known Ann very long, we don't really go way back at all. And yet it is hard for me to believe this because we have been through so much together. God planned for us to be friends and for us to serve a greater purpose together than apart. He created MomSpace through us and I cannot be the same because of it.

Our partnership is drawing to a close in the next couple of months and I am rejoicing for the next stage in my life, and yet nostalgic for all that will not be anymore. The multitude of phone calls, the millions of emails, the food delegation, the agonizing decisions, the detailed planning, the unbridled laughter, and the pure joy to serve others and see it make a difference in their lives. It will all be over.

Where does this leave my friend Ann and I?

Well, as far as I am concerned, she is a part of my heart. She is a part of my story, one that my Father is still telling. I know she will continue to be a main character, an essential sister no matter what the future holds for us both. We have a few things up our sleeves and I am thankful for the chance to continue to work alongside this passionate, godly, incredibly talented woman.

Fretzes Got Talent?

Brennen is watching a show right now and it is telling the kids that everyone has a talent. Brennen informed me that his talent is skateboarding and scooter riding.

I agreed with him.

Then he asked me, "Mama, what is your talent?

Uhhhhhh.

He then said, "Oh, wait! You don't have a talent, do you?"

I said, "Yes, sir, I most certainly do, thankyouverymuch!"

So then he waited for my answer.

And do you know that I cannot think of a THING???

I am not artistic, I am not creative. I do not have mad sports skillz. I am not a good cook, and I am lame at doing my own hair. I cannot sing nor play an instrument.

I honestly could not think of an answer for him. The lame-o thing I finally told him is that I take good care of babies. (I only thought of that cause I have Reagan today.) I thought about saying that I am good at organizing, but I didn't want him to think he has a TOTALLY LAME mom.

I am going to have to think about this concept some more.

Sickness

I have a sickness...

My house haunts me. I don't feel restful in this place very often. I usually feel overwhelmed and my mind races with all the things that could be cleaned or organized.

If I am watching TV in the living room, I notice how dusty it is. And how dusty the shelves are. And that the couches could be vacuumed from all of the crumbs my kids leave behind.

If I am taking a shower, I dream about tearing out the whole thing and putting in nice travertine and a new non-moldy tub with new shower doors without mildew on them.

If I am cooking in the kitchen, I avoid looking at the stove top that needs new burner covers, I notice my cluttered and messy pantry shelves, and the tile floor screams at me to wash it.

AND I CLEAN ALL THE TIME, PEOPLE!!!

Why do I never feel like it is enough? Why am I never happy with my house?

It just never, never ends. I have a hard time putting my heart and soul into a cleaning day, only to have it last for a day and a half. Right?

There has to be a happy medium. I know I have to let stuff go, and BELIEVE ME, I have since having kids, but I want to feel restful in a clean space because it makes me good.

Ugh. I better go, the list is calling me.

Olivia's Makeover

I've recently decided to redo Olivia's bedroom and I am obsessed with searching the internet for ideas. I settled on a turquoise and red and white color scheme and there are so many great ideas out there. Here are a few I love:

Birdie book pages clustered above her desk

A red yarn O with her name on it to hang in the middle of her mirror

I'm gonna look for some cute coordinating paper for hooks

Definitely going to make these in red and turquoise over her bed

The Amazing Heather G. is going to help me by making one of these for me

Isn't this fun? Do you like the ideas? Let me know if you find any other red and turquiose pics!

Avery Grace

A- Ambitious

V- Vivacious

E- Eager to help

R- Ridiculously Cute

Y- Yodeler (Okay, not really... couldn't think of anything)

All I know is she is really, really loved...

You have to see this...

I realized that I haven't been taking very many pictures lately. Probably Christmas burn out.

So, when I go back through albums to find something to post about, all I can see is this:

Do I talk about her too much? Cause I really don't want to bug you, it's just that she means so much. She means more than chubby cheeks and tiny fingers and a soft tummy. She is more than a delicious smelling head and edible toes.

She means hope to me. Her happy face means that Jesus heard me. Her raspy, earnest voice means that He looked down, saw my desire and my despair, and then said... yes. I will heal her now. I still look at her face and stop and think about that moment when God came through for me... and my family... and for her.

And so... I wanted you to too.

SB

After Nate left his old job, and before he started his new job, we all went to Santa Barbara for a little vacation. Nate and I had never been here before and wanted to try a new location (sorry, Newport). It was a lot of fun now that our kids are older and it made me anticipate future trips with kids who don't nap or need diaper changes or bottles warmed or pack-n-plays.

The world is wide open to us! Who would have thought we would ever get here?

Here are pics of our time in Solvang and around Santa Barbara:

Having lunch in a German restaurant in Solvang

On the Santa Barbara pier at sunset

Family shot in Solvang

Nate was so happy to bring the kids to Malibu

Our little family